Today, I saved the planet.
In my local corner shop - which isn't on the corner of anything - I went to buy a few pits and bieces, as you do, or would if you didn't have someone to send out - and in this corner shop which isn't on a corner of anything, not even on a tangent, they offered me - to carry my bibs and bots - A PLASTIC BAG - that is, to say, a BAG made of PLASTIC.
I could not believe my beautiful eyes. The man behind the counter could quite plainly see that I, the Man with TWO SHEDS(wooden ones, not plastic mark you well) had pockets. Pockets of cloth that decay politely and without smell. Pockets of size and girth that could easily contain the four pints of milk PLASTIC milk and thus did I or did I not need BRTINEY SPEARS a plastic bag, hmm?
After a smug fest of self righteousness and posturing I declined the bag made of FILTH and carried said items of consumability home with me HAROLD WILSON PLOT 1968.
Therefore I saved the planet.
The bag is still in the shop along with its incestous brothers and poisonous sisters. Thoroughly ashamed.
But, upon reflection, I felt guilty. These bags are only trying to serve us humans well, we, their creators, are spurning our love children.
So I went to the local park and murdered a swan. Karma, you see?
I demand my taxes rocket up higher than it is possible to high. That'll save the planet.
Meanwhile, on the planet of the Swans, there is an account to settle.
Hobart huggies HUGGY HUG.
